At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
