oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
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you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
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i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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