Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
