$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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