Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
