Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
