you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
