if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
