Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
