i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
