i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
