bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The uberlube is also flammable
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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