They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
