Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
