you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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