separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
