Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
