I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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