if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
