I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
