i think i scared a bird with my dick
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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