It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
