You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize