There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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