I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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