omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
