I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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