And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
