Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
