We're like a lot better than the average bears
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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