I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
