My room smells like vodka and shame
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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