I hate your face
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
