my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
