I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
