erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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