I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
