Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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