Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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