A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
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I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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