im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
