Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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