maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
so much tequila, so little girl.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
