also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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