anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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