She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
