this boner is exhausting
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
