how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
