that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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