well you can't waste a boner
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
