she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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