Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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