Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
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Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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