Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
