I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
