i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
