well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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