Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
