apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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