Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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