I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
