Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
