there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
