it wasn't lemon gatorade
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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