Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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