he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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